


Don't You Ever Leave Me Alone, My War Is Over (Not Really)

by traveltheworld31



Category: All For The Game - Nora Sakavic
Genre: Canonical Character Death, Depression, Drinking, Exy (All For The Game), Flashbacks, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Heavy Angst, Kevin drowns in his thoughts, Kevin needs to be comforted, Pain
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-15
Updated: 2019-05-23
Packaged: 2020-03-05 16:39:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,266
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18832528
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/traveltheworld31/pseuds/traveltheworld31
Summary: Kevin thought he could outrun his grief. But that's not the case. If only he would learn that he's not alone...





	1. Bury A "Friend" And Try To Wake Up

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I noticed a MAJOR lack of Kevin & Nicky friendship fics and decided to fill the need. I honestly love what their relationship could be, and I wish we saw more of it in the books. The story is loosely based on "The War" by SYML and the title based on "bury a friend" by Billie Eilish. There will be a total of three chapters. This is my first fic so I will greatly accept any constructive criticism. Enjoy!! :))

Kevin, for all that he knew, could not understand how life could be so fleeting. How someone he once considered a brother could now be an empty body in the dirt. How someone who seemed so untouchable could be killed with a single bullet to the head. But here he was at a funeral all alone, accepting all the wretched "I'm sorry for your losses” and the "I knew you two were like brothers" and the "Are you going to return to the Ravens?" Kevin was sick of it all. He just wanted this nightmare to be over.

See the thing about Kevin is that no one could completely understand his grief. Everyone seemed happy the bastard was gone. Neil's smug grin the night of Riko's death. Jean's surprised yet satisfied expression. Andrew's contempt blank stare. Everyone pleased to see Riko dead. Kevin pushed ahead faking normalness, embodying Neil’s “I’m Fine”. Fake smiles for Neil and Andrew. Fake gratitude for the crowd at the funeral. Fake being okay for everyone in general. Nothing about what he felt was real anymore. No one actually cared about Kevin and his feelings, so he drowned in his guilt and sorrow. Andrew silently watched his spiral and supplied him with alcohol he readily drank. Aaron would leave him be but sneered at his supposed cowardness. Neil looked down at him and they constantly butted heads. The rest of the team offered condolences, but didn’t go out of their way to offer help. And Wymack, well, their relationship was still rocky, and Kevin wasn’t ready to dump his burdens on his father.

Kevin practically lived on the court nowadays. His room wasn’t safe, he couldn’t sleep, and he wasn’t worth anything without exy. However, even the court wasn’t a safe haven for Kevin. While he played, Kevin’s mind was swamped with memories that repeatedly played in his head and phantom pains in his left hand. Normally he would be able to hide this from his teammates, but some days it just got to be too much.

_Riko was towering over him, eyes full of fury, intense in his actions, willing to hurt, to kill, all for being the best. Kevin hadn't actually beat him, but he could have, so now Riko had to get rid of the threat. Pain, pain so intense he couldn't see, couldn't breathe. Blood, the crunch of bones, his career flying away in the wind. Kevin hunching over, thinking it will protect him. Riko looming contempt over his hunched form, sneering, finally looking like he had won. Kevin finally understood, tears rolling down his face. His life ending. Becoming nothing. Worthless._

A hand on his shoulder. "Kev. Kevin. Kevin breathe for me. Come on, inhale slowly. Feel my chest, feel it rise, breathe with me. Come on Kev. In... Out... In... Out... Kevin, you are safe. Riko is not here, he is dead, he can not get you anymore. Kev, come on breathe, you can do it. God dammit, just breathe Kevin."

Kevin sucked in a harsh breath. Air refilled his lungs and restored his vision. In front of him was Nicky, a panicked and concerned look on his face. Kevin shoved him away.

“Come on Kev, you are safe, you are at the Foxhole Court, Riko can not get you, Riko is dead,” Niky repeated again.

“Don’t you think I know that? I fucking know Riko is dead, Nicky. His funeral was a couple weeks ago. His number is already retired. So please, just leave me the fuck alone and don’t call me Kev,” Kevin spat out, looking down and cradling his hand.

“Kevin, I only want to help. Come to dinner with me, I doubt you have eaten all day. We’ll even get you something healthy.”

“I’m fine Nicky, just leave me alone.”

“Fine Kevin, just know that I’m here if you ever need anything.” Nicky walked away, glancing back sadly as Kevin continued to stare at his hand.

  
_There was no place to escape the memories. Wherever Kevin went, he would be plagued by his guilt and sorrows. No where was safe for Kevin. But maybe he deserved this misery, deserved to drown and never resurface._


	2. Something's On My Mind, Always In My Headspace

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicky, bless his heart, always knows the right things to do to help Kevin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for such a short chapter, I didn't really have the words today. The song for this chapter is Lovely by Billie Eilish and Khalid. Enjoy!! :))

That night when Kevin went to bed, an ipod was laying on his pillow with earbuds already connected. A note was next to it:

Kev,

I know you don’t feel like you deserve comfort or company right now. But I hope this playlist helps you not feel as alone. This really helped me when I first got to Germany. If you ever need to talk, know that I am always willing to listen—I’m more than just a pretty face ;)

I’m here for you, Nicky

Kevin took a long breath. He was exhausted from his time on the court. Surprisingly he hadn’t overextended himself. But he hadn’t practiced as much as he had hoped to, the memories seemed to overpower him on the court. Kevin was upset with himself for letting Nicky see his vulnerability earlier today. He didn’t deserve help, he didn’t want pity. Nicky was too kind and Kevin couldn’t handle it, he wasn't used to kindness. He was used to harsh words, beatings, apathy. No one truly cared about Kevin. He was alone and he was used to it.

It was already dark out and Aaron was at Katelyn’s, so the room was empty. He laid down on his bed and decided to just listen to the music. He didn’t expected depth of the first song since Nicky usually listened to more upbeat music.

“Thought I found a way

Thought I found a way, yeah (found)

But you never go away (never go away)

So I guess I gotta stay now

Oh, I hope some day I'll make it out of here

Even if it takes all night or a hundred years

Need a place to hide, but I can't find one near

Wanna feel alive, outside I can fight my fear

Isn't it lovely, all alone?

Heart made of glass, my mind of stone

Tear me to pieces, skin and bone

Hello, welcome home”

Damn Nicky and his intuition. This song hit too close to home. Hadn’t Kevin ripped himself apart to distance himself from Riko? But Riko would always be in his thoughts and alcohol couldn’t drown him out. This song brought the thoughts he couldn’t think to light and echoed them back to him in a nicer way than his brain would normally allow. And Nicky was kind enough to give all of this to Kevin. Nicky gave him what the words he couldn't say out loud, the feelings he shoved down and didn't acknowledge. Kevin was shocked, no one had ever cared this much about Kevin before. He and Jean had had a tentative friendship before Riko destroyed it. Riko only saw him as an asset that he could tear apart, a tool to use to increase his popularity but always be ahead of, someone to destroy perfectly and take anger out on. Andrew only stayed because of a deal, and Neil would be happy to see Kevin gone. Hell, even the rest of the team thought Kevin was a burden or that he was too arrogant or rude to be friends with. But apparently Nicky decided Kevin was special enough, someone Nicky could care for with the big heart of his. This was the most thoughtful gift Kevin had ever received. Damn Nicky for making him cry, making him feel known.

_Kevin continued to listen to the playlist until sleep pulled him under. For once, Kevin didn’t have a nightmare._


End file.
